Oct 19, 2025: a candid truth

Happy Sunday, happiness crusaders! 💖

The main premise of What Makes Me Happy is to be transparent in my own trials and tribulations, share honesty about my healing journey, and most recently how I thank God every day for seeing me as a life worth saving and having. Last week, I had (what’s supposed to be an annual) PET scan for my battle against cancer. It revealed that after ten years… I’m still cancer free. Thank God. I’ll confess something I’ve never admitted publicly on any public forum. Since starting my battle against cancer, I’ve been using cannabis…. for ten years.

Moving to FL allowed me to “pull my cancer card” to obtain my medical marijuana license. From then, my usage became a lot worse. My father passed. I leaned too heavily in relationships that only brought me further from God. It always cost me my financial security and because of it, I lost my job in FL. What I didn’t know then (and do know now) that it was all a cry for help. I believed that consuming cannabis would alleviate me from all my pain and suffering. It would mask over my depression and anxiety. It would make me numb to any and all feeling about anything. There was a lot I refused to face sober. I haven’t really been able to process the passing of my father. I haven’t really been able to handle the antics with the rest of my biological family and I. I got too cocky and thought I really could handle it myself. I was wrong.

I made a personal goal with myself to be cannabis free by the time I turn 35 (I’m currently 32). I started with my strongest habit and have thankfully stopped and disposed of all of that paraphernalia. I’ve retired smoking flowered cannabis and rid of that paraphernalia. I continued with vapes until I moved back to GA. Knowing where I was going and the path I was going to start walking, I knew that vaping in my current environment wouldn’t serve me. It won’t serve me any purpose in where I’m wanting to go in life. Honestly, the things we do when we’re 22 aren’t as cool as they are when you’re 32. Today, I celebrate three days sober from cannabis. I can’t lie, there are some moments of struggle and the irritabilities can be strong.

Today, I give it all to God. My addiction to cannabis. My worry about things with my family will ever be okay. My grief over the passing of my father. My stress over being a good parent. It’s all in God’s hands today… and I can’t express enough gratitude.

The sermon at church this morning started a new series called “Life is a Rodeo: Anxiety, Addictions, and Shame”…. And dang, did that hit my metaphorical nail on the head. It was everything I needed to hear. None of us are meant to “white knuckle” life. Win the war in your mind before even thinking about starting to win the war right in front of you. Fear shakes but faith stands firm.

Which brings today’s Bible verse:

“When you go out to fight your enemies and you face horses and chariots and an army greater than your own, do not be afraid. The Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, is with you.” - Deuteronomy 20:1

Until next week, here’s three things today that make me happy:

Wind chimes, tiled mosaics, and my loved ones being safe.

Celebrate what makes you happy always,

Jenna/Starshine ✨

Oct 12, 2025: accepting to learn to love thy neighbor and celebrating a heavenly birthday.

Happy Sunday, happiness crusaders! 💖

Thank God it’s Sunday. I can appreciate a day that includes worship, the word of Jesus, and quality time with my kid. We got some spooky Halloween socks for $1/pair!!

Yesterday, October 11, was my late father’s 5th heavenly birthday. He would’ve been 79. He was incredibly proud of the work I’ve done in the past with What Makes Me Happy. I’ve managed to save his voicemail from when I was front page of KSU’s school newspaper. I’ve kept alot of his voicemails from over the years. It’s keeps me going some days. A girl simply doesn’t just get over the passing of her father. I miss him very much. Happy heavenly birthday Dad! 🕊️

Today’s sermon @ Frais was focused on loving thy neighbor. Emphasis on “the neighbors you tend to ignore and tune out”. This, again, has had me reflecting on my efforts with my family. There are certain things my family members and I have discussed and I’m choosing to keep that in private. I am deciding it’s a lost cause at this point. In theory, you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make ‘em drink. You can want immeasurably more for someone, doesn’t mean they’ll accept that for themselves. It’s all had me thinking about my future plans and what God has in store for my little family and I. I can only imagine it’s immeasurably more than anything I could even begin to grasp mentally. I trust God’s plans. I pray He paves the way for stabily and security for me and my own.

I’ve always been curious bout the rest of the world and what we could be potentially missing out on. Here goes nothing. 🤞🏻

Here’s three things today that make me happy:

Chubby kitties who enjoy belly scratches, glow in the dark items, colorful Christmas lights.

Celebrate what makes you happy always,

Jenna/Starshine ✨

Oct 5, 2025: comfortably uncomfortable

Thank God for another Sunday. The theme for today’s sermon was “comfortably uncomfortable”. This has had me reflect what’s happened in the last few months (and everything that’s happened over the years) and it genuinely has been the biggest metaphorical slap across the face (though, I’m sure there’s a small group of people who wish I did get slapped across the face). There’s a bunch that I’d rather clarify in a podcast episode and not here. There’s some things that have happened that I’ve honestly been nervous talking about. What would my friends think? What would my enemies say? Will I be able to forgive for everything that’s been said and done? Will I be forgiven for things I’ve said and done? Well, rest assured… I’m comfortable with being uncomfortable.

The main point of moving back to Georgia has been my attempt on rekindling with the rest of my family and hope things can be better. They haven’t been. My mother can’t seem to take any accountability for her actions. My sibling can’t seem to form any opinion or achieve a single critical thought that’s not their mother’s. I’ve about reached my wits end with it all. How do I forgive someone that doesn’t see an issue with their choices and the affects it has? Why am I to be assumed to be THE ONLY ONE to do it? Is this expected from me for everyone? Why do I get to carry that weight? It’s not mine.

Do I have my remorses for things I’ve said to and about my mother? Absolutely.

Do I wish my sibling fought more for the sibling bond we share? Absolutely.

These are things that are too foreign, too far gone. They don’t care about if I’m alive. They don’t care to make an effort to have a relationship with my child… and we live an hour and a half away.

My advice to them if they read this: if you don’t want me talking about it, maybe don’t do the bad things I might mention. Make the effort to have us in your life before it’s too late. I’ve already uprooted my life for this. I won’t make a single effort more. Most importantly… I will not take more accountability for my actions than I already have.

So while I do my drives back and forth to Gwinnett, I understand that I may not be wanted back (at least in familial ways), understand that I’m comfortable with feeling uncomfortable about that. I won’t apologize for my existence. Who I am, what I’ve been through… is an incredible thing. If you know, you know.

And I will never stop talking about it.

Until next time, I’ll leave here with today’s Bible verse:

“All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we may comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us.”

2 Corinthians 3-4

Celebrate what makes you happy always,

Jenna/Starshine ✨